I had a dream I was robbed

And then Comey was fired. I tried to explore the feelings of violation, embarrassment, anger that came to me in my dream. Why, I wondered, do you feel embarrassed when you get robbed? Because you think you could have done something to prevent it all.

After it happens to you, you find ways to make yourself more safe. You find ways to prevent it from happening again. Time to shore up our defenses.

resignation syndrome

Wow, this story really hit me hard:


Can you imagine, just giving up? Laying down and …

This is what happened in Serenity, on Miranda after having been dosed with PAX, but I don’t remember ever hearing about it happening in real life. Is suicide the result of this giving up? I find Americans are so much more active. Americans commit suicide. This is not even making a choice, except to lay down.

Maybe it’s because these are refugee children, they have seen violence, and they don’t want any more. They don’t mind not being in charge,  as long as they get an outcome. But they aren’t forcing action, they have seen too much action. They want no more. The result of familial post traumatic stress. “She (Lotta Spangenberg, a Stockholm child psychologist) sees the illness as a form of communication after words have failed.”

Facts about Syrian refugees children who see dogs eating people, parents having sex in the open, lies and suspicions about parents, it’s too much. So at first the reports of anxiety and anger and depression (2013) have made way for depression, PTSD and schizophrenia only 6 month later. The main kid in the story says he was locked in a glass box that was filling with water. He was becoming the water, the water taking over, drowning, feeling like “every move could kill you.” And the only time he decided that it was fake, that the glass box was not real, was when his family wasn’t being deported.

It hurts me to think about the choices we make that affect our children and the children of our friends and adversaries. It hurts me and fires me.

Sleeping beauty might just have been threatened that she would lose her home, would she have just fallen asleep, in her glass box, becoming more and more transparent like the glass she was in, as it goes on. Maybe she’s a different princess, a Syrian. Fawzda? Something to think about, but now it’s time for sleep.


January 1, 2017

Tada! New Year’s Resolution Time!

And this blog is one. I don’t really care if no one reads it, but I need to get used to putting myself out there. Part of it is trusting my thoughts. I make no promises they will be consistent, congruent or congenial. So, here it is the first.

I am so happy that there are some who see a silver lining in the political and social events that were in 2016. I don’t think I do…

I keep looking to Darwin. Is this social evolution? Is there a rule of evolution? Is it unique in all instances, you can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need? Which is something echoed in the Trump camp for some time. I wonder if he sees something we don’t, the underbelly that we want to ignore until it goes away. The basest part of us that we work to overcome and conquer.

Has our society just become sick of it, the trying to be better? What about those who are more religious? Are they caught up in the rules so they miss the point? Will we devolve into the primitives that we have come from? What if, just what if, we get to choose, and those that won’t choose to move forward in our social evolution are bringing us down collectively? We still have our individuality and some solidarity with those that think what we do.  Does it become a battle as it seems to have developed into or can we just meditate our way through it like a Buddha? What happens when the ascendant do actually become the majority and steer the social fabric? What happens to those we leave behind?

It’s not that hard for me to understand people who want for themselves at the expense of others. “Take care of mine” mentality is surely Darwinian…it reminds me of the zombie apocalypse  in World War Z or any other zombie movie… Too many people on the planet, gotta save your own ass or lose it trying to care for others. But if we are to survive and thrive on the planet realistically, don’t we have to take care of everyone and the earth, too?  I wish I trusted humans of our planet to follow this logic, but I really don’t. They certainly would be happier if they were convinced that it is true, but is it possible? I can’t image it logistically, what it would look like. Is it less than humble that I believe I am right? Do I care?

Engage? Live it? Be a leader. And do it for your children and the other children on the planet. Find hope and hold it.

Cameron, standing with standing rock. Hope and inspiration for a new generation